Being my first gay romance short story, I find myself caring about Barry and Mark more than normal. I don't write about love or 'making love' that much because I find the virgin/straight love story old and overused. But this is different. The stereotypes and gender norms are different. So I don't feel like I'm writing that typical love story that's been done to death. And I actually want them to really end up together and have that real love story. I've thought of so many variations of how they wind up together, including the one I started.
However, I am having a hard time finishing it. It's like I have to make this first one absolutely perfect, as if it would be the only one. I think it's partly because I've thought about them so much. I haven't thought of different couples ending up together, I've always pictured just Mark and Barry in different situations. So picking just one is hard. And I want it to be the right one. I want their ending to be great, for them.
I also wonder if I'm struggling to finish because it's my first gay romance and writing about what happens to a man's penis from his point of view is difficult for me. I wrote my first lesbian scene not too long ago and found it easier than I thought I would, even though I've never had sex with another woman. But I know what it feels like from a woman's point of view. I don't know what it's like to have a penis. So with two penises, I don't have a point of view to choose that I've been in before. And maybe I'm putting off finishing their story because I am basically guessing and don't want to be wrong, or look foolish.