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Weekly Update: Week 2

A few times recently I've had the realization that something I used to struggle with is all of a sudden easy. I hope that eventually happens with writing.


Sitting in Cars

For someone who hates to drive this seems like a pretty big burden. However, as someone who can also easily lose herself in her own head, it hasn't been as bad as I would have thought. Never in my life have I been so well 'read'.


Weekly Update: Week 4

We're going down. But not for long. This morning I took the morning off to rest up and get back to it. Especially since this is the last few weeks before an actual vacation.


Imagination for the Ordinary

I suffer from anxiety for a number of reasons. One being that I am great at thinking of the worst thing that could possibly happen. The second is the ability to think about that and only that obsessively. It happens from time to time in a variety of activities. Luckily I get lost in my random thoughts enough that it doesn't happen in everything. Unless I start to ponder anxiety and why I'm not anxious about that current activity. But for those I'm repetitively nervous about, I've developed a few tricks and tasks to try and overcome it. Every time I leave the house, I check all the necessary doors are closed in the same order. I check the back door as soon as I step off the stairs. Then come through the downstairs, making sure cords are up, bathroom door shut, and lights are all off. The absolute most worrisome is the kitchen...

And sometimes I can check it three times or more before leaving. To me, my cats burning in a house fire would be the worst possible way to die. So I tap each burner, reading the word "OFF" four times, then open the oven and read "OFF" two more times. Last, I have to see the two cats, still in the house, as I shut the door. And to make sure they won't get fingers stuck in the door, I always throw a toy at the door. Which they've grown to expect and begin crouching as soon as I grab the car keys at the door. Outside I have to lock the dead bolt first, pushing on the door as I turn the handle to see it did really lock. Then lock the actual door knob, turning it too, to make sure it did lock. 

However, driving is something else entirely. I can't go through a list till it's done and I feel ready to leave. The longer I'm between stop lights the easier it is to think of driving because I have nothing else to do but drive. I don't have to think about stopping or my turn signal. So then I might start thinking about how I feel, does my head hurt, or are my eyes focusing right? Everything is fine of course, but anxiety is a crazy thing. So many things are controlled by your brain and when your brain is focusing on things going wrong, your brain could think it is picking up on those things going wrong. Sometimes audiobooks can help and I'll try to focus on what is playing. Or singing along to the music. But the best thing I've found is just putting myself in a scenario. Occasionally I'll use someone or something I'm writing or an imaginary conversation that could happen with someone I know. But putting myself in the place of someone that has their shit together. That has somewhere to be while discussing something important. Or maybe is that supernatural badass we all might secretly wish to be, that finds driving trivial, though necessary if they need to break away into a high-speed chase. 

By putting my mind into that confident person's point of view, I can forget about the actual act of driving. And then second nature can take over the driving part. My imagination might be what got me in the situation in the first place. But I greatly value it when it can get me back out of the situation.