As I get back into writing, I find it easier to get pulled back into fanfiction. I wouldn’t have to develop characters, places, or general concepts. It’s just so much easier and I know where to publish the story so people might read it. On my site, it’s a toss-up of what gets read.
Ironically, with it being June, the last story idea I got really into was between a woman and a man. Though in my mind she would be pansexual, this relationship wasn’t.
With each passing June, I think I become more and more excited to celebrate pride. I’ve said before that I don’t mind that I wasn’t fully open during my dating years. Hypothetically if I didn’t date much, would I have even dated people of different genders? I had one relationship at 16 and one at 23 before I met my current partner. There were a few people I would have been interested in dating, but otherwise, I was too busy and focused on other things.
On one hand, it has been easier to claim a sexuality now that I am in a committed relationship and I don’t feel the need to ‘prove’ anything by diversifying my dating history. Several times in college I did wonder how you bridged that change without an awkward announcement. Like ‘I want to go to a gay bar tonight, and if a woman starts hitting on me, can we just pretend this is normal’... but without actually saying that. Obviously, as the shy unsure introvert, I never came close to saying that.
On the other hand, now that I am married to a man, it feels like I “picked a side” or am blending into a hetero world, and no one really cares what I claim to be.
I halfway don’t even care at times because I’m not dating and who really needs to know? If I keep my little rainbow flag at my desk year-round, do I need to spell it out? My partner knows and we openly talk about it. At times, that feels plenty. But I do suppose had I seen pansexual adults growing up, I would have been more open to the idea from a young age.
Though with my ‘hetero’ relationship, what am I suppose to do? Tattoo the pan flag on my arm? That option isn’t out, but I rather dislike the color scheme and much prefer the bisexual colors. Constantly bring it up? Or, just make a bunch of characters I write pansexual?