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A Real Day Off

Every day after work I get back on the computer and continue to work. Every weekend I work. Trying to fill every moment with reaching my goals. Once in awhile my partner and I have a day off together and I'm forced to just relax.

#Elopement

Pasta for Thanksgiving

Third and final part of the elopement. Pasta for Thanksgiving: Or Why I'm so Weird About Traditions. Just because we wave off our elopement as no big deal, doesn't mean we're completely emotionless about it, or each other.

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We do [n't conform]

Part 1 of the Elopement: Why we did it. The event of getting married seems like less of an "event" when you're just transitioning from life-partners to "legal" life-partners.

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When I knew

So when I say this is "when I knew", it's not when I knew I wanted to marry him. But knew as a couple we were at a mature and steady point in our relationship to handle getting matching 'wedding band' tattoos.

#Elopement

Hopeless Romantic...less

I've been a hopeless romantic for about as long as I can remember. My Pinterest wedding board is perfectly planned out to include everything from the venue to hair style.

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Glitter Beard

I prefer "partner" over "wife". It feels right in our relationship, I'm not just "his wife" but an equal partner. Someone that isn't defined as a gendered role with gender norms to follow. I'm not at risk of being 'too masculine'.

#GenderEquality

E day

Part 1: Why we did it

Part 2: The day

Truth be told, Asheville had originally been a joke. An unexpected bill came up and I laughed #elopeAsheville instead of leaving the country. And not only that but the date had been changed, moved up and squished into a busy year due to the purchasing of a house. 

If you want a taste of how romantic our lives are, my marriage proposal was "Well I assumed you knew we would get married this year to save on taxes with the new house". As for my romantic side, I've been given 1 piece of jewelry by my partner, a heart-shaped necklace. Although I wore it every day, I still managed to lose it. Hence no new jewelry, and tattooed rings.

So with a year quickly coming to an end and work filling up the diminishing weekends, we were left with two weekends to choose from. Looking to trusted Google, I typed in "elope" + "Asheville" and found Elope Asheville. Brilliant marketing. They had beautiful pictures, great reviews, and exactly what we wanted (eloping and in Asheville). And as a wonderful bonus, a brewery tour wedding. Reaching out to the company I basically said, we don't want to do any planning, I don't like to be the center of attention, and we want beer and fun. And that's exactly what we got. It was all of maybe 15 total emails and 1 phone call to get it all set. I got my (mostly) private garden ceremony and my partner got his beer. We did have one poor college student trapped by the river during our ceremony. We didn't notice her till she fled the scene post-"I dos", quietly bounding through the bramble, books in tow, and book bag flapping. Sorry college student, that had to be awkward. 

As for our end, and what we did actually do? 

We tried, and failed, to take my measurement for an Amazon dress, overestimated by 4 sizes, returned it, and bought the correct size. Not only saving money but boosting my confidence that I had indeed lost weight. $75 wedding dress? Yes, please. Bought shoes on Amazon. $10 flats? Amazing and practical. Made pearl hair accessories with pearl beads, string and bobby pins. $3.50 for a bag of beads. You got it. 

Then my partner bought his attire: jeans, button down, and closed toes shoes. Notice I say bought because the poor thing literally didn't own anything outside of a single 2 piece suit and a slew of t-shirts and swim trunks. And lastly, got our butt to Asheville by 3 pm on 10.20.17. That's it. Though, even with only that to do, I ended up making my hair things in the car on the way there and stressing (for no real reason) about the event the day of. 

Photo Credit: Amanda Burk @ Elope Asheville

Being a fantasy "writer" my mind is always making up scenes or events and I find myself doing that with real-life events that haven't happened yet. I dream and plan of things yet to happen to the point I imagine impossible things and end up getting let down. I've been trying to approach new things with zero expectations. Which lets me not only stress less but appreciate the things that do happen, the things I couldn't have planned. Although I have been getting better about not planning things to be perfect and exactly how I pictured, I was still nervous about this day. At each 'big point' in the planning, I kept thinking 'what if I pissed this part away and really wanted more?' For example, a guilty pleasure is "Say Yes to the Dress". But I had no dress moment. And as I tried it on for the first time with my partner in the room, I found I didn't need that. This dress wasn't costing a month's worth of salary and I still felt good just making a beautiful decision for myself. And sort of for the partner, though he would have married me in anything. So the day of the wedding was another 'What if'? 

On top of not disappointing my 'fantasy world', I don't like disappointing others or letting others see that I didn't do a great job. If I planned this unbelievable wedding and told people about it, when it didn't turn out superb everyone would know. This way, whatever happened was only between us. 

Butterflies in tow, me and my partner showed up promptly at 3. Not a plan in mind. And they took care of everything! Not only that but just being around people that were casual and carefree made me wonder why I had been so anxious. Since I don't like attention, I was a little nervous as well about sitting in a brewery in a wedding dress, surrounded by a mixture of hipsters in loose ironic clothing and 'casual college students' in whatever they could find. But it was totally fine. Not only was all our attention on each other, or our elope tour guides, but anyone we met seemed totally fine with the strange scene. So everything ended up completely fine and perfect for me. I had no one to impress, no one judging the bride for choices she did or didn't make about her big day. And we even had those unexpected treats I literally couldn't have planned for. Like a brewery worker popping out at the end of the day in a Hawaiian shirt, beer in hand, and inviting us in for a private tour. Or the tattoo parlor having a brilliant red brick wall for a great photo. 

By 8:30 though, and only 3 (ish) beers in, I was beginning to feel a little too drunk for public and we went "home" to break the news to the folks. Which went with mixed feelings. But for the most part, good. Though, the one that probably fit the mood of the event the most was my parents. While my mom was on the phone, we sent a picture of the two of us, drinks in hand, and tattooed ring fingers in view to a group chat between both parents, my partner, and myself. 

My mom was distracted and didn't see it, so this is how our conversation went. 

Mom: Well you're actually calling me, did someone die? (Joking.)

Me: Haha, no um.. it's actually good news. So, we're in Asheville....(pause)

Mom: What? Did you get married?

Me & my partner: Well.... yeah

Mom: Oh, really? Well, saves money. (Meanwhile my dad texts back "Congrats", perhaps overhearing the convo or figuring out the rings) 

Other emotions to follow:

Part 3: Where it comes from