One of my many
stances is the advocacy for healthy and equal relationships. As I've
mentioned, probably a dozen or two times before, I've been in one of
the dominating, sexist, depressing relationships. It's a point of
several of my blogs because it had really negatively effected me.
My ex could not possibly see things from a different point of view
and because of which, treated me like a child, or a general
lesser-human being. I was told what I should think and feel.
And if my opinion was asked, it was ignored or corrected.
So now that I'm out
of it, I find myself caring very deeply that people don't perceive that I'm back in the same place. Even if I've never met those people
and they have no idea about my personal opinions on the matter.
Over the years my
partner and I have grown to know each other pretty well. We know what
strengths the other has, what habits, or even what special quirks.
Before we met, like
any normal young adult, I had my own bank account. It has a checking
and a savings account that I can use to stow away excess money or
spend with my debit card. All I need to do is keep an eye on the
first before it runs out and move more in from the second.
I also need to
occasionally pay for one bill or another and make sure nothing gets
over drafted. Yet for the life of me, I could never remember to do
any of these things. The thought would cross my mind while involved
in something, like work, and I would brush it off for later,
immediately forgetting about it.
To prevent part of
this mess, I never used the savings account. Everything just stayed
in the checking account. Though, it didn't help my bills, that might
come get paid a day or two late. All in all, I'm not bad in with
money in the sense that I quickly run out, since I hate shopping,
just that I wasn't using it most effectively.
In comes my partner,
the perfect money manager. He cares to think about these things. The
points or miles on this credit card or the next , the interest one
savings account gives us over the next, where money is best served
and for how long. Not to mention when bills are due and which card to
use for each one.
Now I don't have to
pay a lick of attention to anything. Which is great, I don't want to.
However, if we're separated like we are most of the day, I'm not
always aware of this plan. So occasionally while shopping or getting
lunch with coworkers, I'll pause to text him with an update on what
card to use. If I do mention what I'm doing though, I feel a need to
explain that whole thing. I don't want my coworkers or friends to
think poorly of my partner. Like he is the type of person to limit
what money I can or can't spend.
There's also random
moments in public. Moments that show me just how much we really know
each other, but could appear totally different to other people. The
other day, while in the airport, my partner looked at me and said "Go
to the bathroom."
Very mater of fact
and lacking of emotion. Anyone around us could find our relationship
as commanding and dominating as my old one. There's a reason though,
and I knew exactly where he was coming from. Before I board any
plane, I have to go to the bathroom. My partner knows this and knows
the perfect time for me to leave before we board.
I can't explain to
all those people that we have a healthy equal relationship. But I
want to. To show everyone my current partner is everything I preach
and everything I try to slip into my fiction.