If they say you don't grow unless your uncomfortable, I should be 100 ft tall by now. 

Every step of writing is uncomfortable. And now, trying to build a social following to not only put out this half finished book but have a decent selling, I'm feeling that uncomfortable feeling all over again. I'm not sure who looks at my pages, what they think of what I'm writing, or what they think of me. Like what if I know that person and the next time they see me, they're secretly thinking 'freak'. But I love writing, I think about it all the time. I'm constantly thinking up different story lines, different characters, and different motives. I love learning about what drives people or what is going on in their head. Seeing only my point of view or my way of life is boring. Other people fascinate me. 

Which leads me to what I write and why I write it. As everyone knows, there are a lot of social issues being discussed in the news and social media. But being that I'm socially anxious, hate crowds, and am broke as shit. I feel like I haven't done much to contribute to the fight for understanding. I also feel as a cis, white, straight, educated female from middle-class America I don't have much of a leg to stand on. What life experiences have I really had beyond staying in the safety net of the college bubble long enough to acquire a shit ton of debt. Nothing. 

So why would anyone listen to me bitch and complain about anything, I've had it relatively easy. So I write stories. My goal is to explore as many viewpoints as I possibly can. And do it so well that the people reading it can understand a viewpoint other than their own. And perhaps in such a way they don't realize that's what's really going on. I've touched lightly on the easiest for me to write about, which is anxiety and fear in my fanfiction. And now I'm trying to branch out. But the first thing that I seemed to find myself in was sexuality and gender fluidity. So of course, now I'm really wondering who could be visiting my page. But if this is how you really grow, I can sure as shit say I'm uncomfortable. But maybe some day it'll make someone somewhere feel better.