This first week has been slightly successful. On one hand, I did publish a new flash fiction piece as a part of my weekly "Flash Fiction Friday". On the other, it was just now published... three days late.
On Wednesday, I also published another chapter in my ongoing fanfiction. I had written this chapter over a year ago as the climax of the story, then constructed the rest around it. So not only did I get to cheat this week with a pre-written chapter, but I don't think it turned out well. The first time I submitted a short story for publication, it came back with some constructive criticism. These two pieces were somewhat similar, so that criticism was all I could think about.
"Luckily", I checked out the stats and it hasn't had many reads yet. So I can't be too ashamed. Though, as I said, it's all for my 1 fan on that story-line.
Someday I'll laugh at these early attempts at some sort of fictional brilliance. Like when I think back to running around the pool deck of my closed workplace.
When the pandemic first hit and our state went into full lockdown, my workplace was forced into shutting its doors for about a month. I found myself sitting upstairs constantly refreshing the local news's COVID page. Sure, I had plenty to do, as a recently unemployed person, but I was frozen in a state of depression and anxiety. Every time I tried working, I wound up on that damn COVID page, checking in on stats and plans for a prolonged reopening.
Then one day it hit me, the building is totally empty. I could put in my headphones, blast my music as loud as I want, and work out on the pool deck. I had heard someone in France had run a marathon on his tiny balcony and figured if he could do that, I could jog around our indoor pool. So I started jogging. For the first several days, I had to stop after 5 minutes. Then one day, I realized I didn't feel guilty for putting off work if I was running. As long as I was out there running, I could ignore everything and yet be productive. Eventually, I got up to running an hour each time before we reopened and I was forced to running outside my house.
That too took some getting used to, and some days I still struggle, but lately, I've noticed how easy running is getting. I can start stacking on the miles without dying, which is convenient given the fact I just signed up for a half-marathon I'll run by November 14th.
As time goes on, you get gradually better at things without always realizing it. Sometimes it just hits you, like during a run. Or Spanish lesson when you respond to the recording without much thought.
Someday I'll look back at my writing and think 'damn that's good' and not 'damn I should have changed __'.