I looked down at my Dove chocolate wrapper today to read my inspirational message. Not only are the little morsels a great way to show a little self-appreciation, but the messages usually make me smile. Today was the supposedly optimistic "Why Not?" I've seen several times before. After all, through two bags of chocolates, there's bound to be a few repeats. When I read this I always imagine it in a cheery young woman's voice. Like someone about to jump off a cliff into a deep pool of water and they're trying to easily talk themselves into it. Or even someone happily splurging on an appetizer for that rare night out.
Today I didn't dismiss it as quickly as normal. I actually pondered it for a second. Before I hadn't been able to think of anything I was holding back on. Recently I started publishing online, though only fanfiction, for now, it was a start. And I had begun listening to a lot of audiobooks. One on the way to work, a different one on the way home, another for while I was at home. Then, there's the old Dracula novel I listen to when I clean for long stretches of time. And on top of it all, I was learning at work, keeping with my new year's resolutions for once, and constantly planning several pieces of work I wanted to start writing. So things were progressing. Things were moving forward. And that's how I like things. It's pretty much how I need things to be. If I'm not moving forward, I'm stagnant, I'm depressed.
Today, shockingly the statement in question came to the forefront of my mind quickly. "Why not... quit my job and become a full-time writer?" Why not? Why not was that I have bills to pay. In my desire to constantly grow, constantly learn, I got myself two degrees into debt. And sampling planning my projects wouldn't get me out of it. Why not was also my multitude of interests. Things have never been cut and dry as far as my career. My compulsive need to plan has fooled me into thinking so, many many times over. However, as soon as I start getting into one area of interest and learn a certain amount, I grow bored and look for more. Or look for something different. Only after planning my whole life around that career.
I've grown to accept this for myself. So I never see myself sticking to just writing, or just science. I need hobbies, and if I keep writing just my hobby maybe it will never feel like a chore. My scatterbrained need for variety also has me expanding into non-fiction. A space I never thought I would venture into. This blog may never turn into anything but practice. But practice is alright. I need practice after all. So today seemed like a good time to start the blog. To force myself into publishing something without reading it five hundred times like I often do with my emails. But to just throw my ponderings to the internet.
After all, why not?
My scatterbrained need for variety also has me expanding into non-fiction. A space I never thought I would venture into. This blog may never turn into anything but practice. But practice is alright. I need practice after all.